There is nothing inherently wrong with being single….
That being said, you might be overlooking certain things if you want to be in a relationship and you’re NOT getting any prospects. We’re not even talking months without dates here. We’re talking years, or even decades, since you graduated college. There are a lot of factors, of course….
but the following reasons might just be what’s not going right in your approach to getting coupled up.
1. You haven’t been taking care of yourself.
Yes, yes… inner beauty is supposed to be the more important thing when sizing up a potential mate but, seriously, would you date you? If you won’t date a slob, don’t be a slob. If you won’t date someone who doesn’t look fit, then start hitting the gym. At the very least, pay attention to personal hygiene.
If you’re not taking care of yourself, not only can it make you physically unattractive, it also signals that you may not be ready to take care of a relationship with another person.
2. You haven’t been going out much.
You haven’t been paying attention to those party invites, college reunions, church socials, offers of free tickets to a classical concert, that weird-but-cool punk rocker friend’s local bar gig, that art exhibit, or even the office picnic. How in the world are you going to meet anyone?
3. You’re looking for ‘The One’.
You know… that person tailor-made and destined just for you, who sweats but does not have a hint of body odor, flosses, can never really get angry at you, is always generous, perpetually soft-spoken, has no personal issues, has no skeletons in the closet, does not make terrible mistakes, has no insecurities, and does not find anyone else attractive but you…
I’m sorry, but that person does not exist.
4. You’re forcing love to happen.
They say love just happens when you least expect it. Sometimes, it happens with a little help from you and your friends. However, there is a not so fine line between getting yourself closer to a person and stalking. Don’t go all psycho. Don’t even go mini-psycho.
Forcing love to happen usually results in the opposite of what is desired — the beloved running far, far away from you or taking out a restraining order.
5. You’re scared.
You’re afraid that someone will break your heart. This fear can come from direct experience or a hand-me-down from someone else. Wherever or however you got it… get rid of it.
Fortune favors the brave. You shouldn’t be jumping to conclusions about the fate of a potential romance based on your last relationship. Or your mother’s. Or your friend’s. Or even Sandra Bullock’s. Just as animal life has adapted and evolved to be able to survive its changing environment, you should learn how to persist and dance along to changes in your life.
And, speaking of adaptation….
6. You might just be inflexible.
You want the toilet seat down. You hate other people’s taste in music. You can’t appreciate a gift because it’s the wrong color. Things just have to be your way or the highway. More often than not, when given a choice, others would opt for the highway. You rationalize to yourself that this is the price you have to pay for having high standards. But, bear in mind, there is a big difference between having high standards and impossible standards.
7. Having a relationship isn’t your top priority.
You’re too focused on your career or your aging parents or your children from a previous relationship or finding yourself… or whatever it is that’s taking up all your time and energy right now. But, it’s not having a relationship.
We can only really get what we pursue or accommodate. If you truly care about someone, you will find time for them, even with a busy work schedule. If the person you care about so much is as wonderful as you say, then making excuses not to see him or her makes you seem insincere. It’s a two-way street. You have to really want a relationship, and you have to make it work when you’re in one.