Saw this going viral:
Mon Tulfo should avoid taking pictures without consent ….
Raymart Santiago should avoid showing violence in front of his children ….
And Claudine Barretto should avoid EXTRA RICE!!!!
*Toinks!* ANOH DAW????
Mga pare, there is a reason why we are single. One of the major reasons we’re single is, of course, dya ra ra ran! Well, it’s… US. But I don’t want to talk about US. I want to talk about THEM. Who is them? Sino pa nga ba?
Just to give you an idea of what I’m talking about, I will state categorically that I’m convinced that the main reason we’re single Pinoys to begin with is because we can’t find that single woman that’s just right for us! Unless, of course, you’re more into finding another single Pinoy. Or, worse, you keep finding the right single women but they refuse to find you. But the last two scenarios regardless, it is quite obvious to me that single Pinoys, as a group, have a strong need to pick and choose. Yeah, pare. Selective tayo. However, I also know that there are times that we can get desperate. Now, I need you to remember, that no matter how desperate you are, there are certain women that you should avoid dating at all cost. And, I mean, AT ALL COST!
Here’s my top 5 list. Considered yourself WARNED.
1. Man’s Best Friend or Si Bantay – This woman loves you so much that she wants to be your best friend, your girlfriend, your mother, and your pet dog and GPS tracker combined. This sounds like a good deal, right? Riiiight. But only if you have lost every self-respecting male cell in your body. This woman wants to own you – body and soul. She wants you to tell her everything, know your every move, know who you’re with and why you smell that way! And when you don’t, beware of the consequences. Go ahead and date her if your idea of a life is being on a leash. Arf arf.
2. The War Freak or Si Abnoy – Remember how the Greeks sent a Trojan horse to the gates of Troy as a gift? Well, that’s almost exactly how you get a war freak into your life. After that, prepare to lose the war because a war freak will never stop waging war with you until she wins every battle. Just bear this in mind, the Greeks, who sent the Trojan Horse to the Trojans, are still very much around. But let me ask you this: where are the Trojans now?
3. The Goldigger or Si Bilmoko – The Bilmokos are a special breed of women. They can be incredibly hot, well-groomed, and seemingly dressed to undress just for you if you do things right. Don’t be fooled. That smile that makes your heart melt, those eyes that make your heart skip a beat, those light touches that send shivers down your spine? Yes, they’re priceless. But for everything else, there’s MasterCard. Unless you’re ready to go broke or an you’re established captain of industry, hold on to your pants. And your wallet.
4. Miss No-Holds-Barred or Si Cristy Fermin – If the idea of sharing private details of your life with the world turns you on, then date this girl! You may be flattered by the initial great stories she spreads about you: how dashing you look in your clothes, the romantic things you said, the way you held her hand, and how you’re her Prince Charming. But, wait til the honeymoon phase is over and see if her friends can still look you in the eye without a knowing glint. You see, chances are, her friends have already heard from her how you look without your clothes on, the sounds you make in bed during you-know-what, the way you touched her there and everywhere else, and how you’re really more of a princess than a prince.
5. The Disloyaltee Awardee or The Gretchen – The Gretchen is usually the girl of your dreams. Yung parang tingin mo is the one for you. However, if she’s The One for you, to her you are likely The Two or The Three or… well, you know where I’m going with this. She’s the girl that inspires song lyrics like “If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, find an ugly woman and make her your wife.” This girl can cut your heart into little pieces and feed it to you yet you still find yourself saying “Thank you, Hon. Love you”.
There you have it. My Top 5 Women To Avoid At All Cost list. Ignore at your own peril. From the heart ‘to, mga pare, whatever’s left of it.
However, several cases of beer and and many, many sexless nights after, we get to the point where we ask ourselves: “Freedom from what?”
Good question. Uh…OK… Wrack male brain for answers. Good answers. Answers that justify our existence. Yeah! Well, for starters, single men are free to go anywhere they want. No need to make paalam unlike our taken guy friends. Kaya nga TAKEN ang tawag sa kanila di ba? Kasi parang hostage? Anyway, I digress. To continue, we have the freedom to choose the lifestyle we want. The freedom to be with every hot chick we desire. The freedom to not replace our underwear with garters that hardly have the strength to hug our waists anymore. The freedom from panties and bras hanging to dry in the bathroom! The freedom to be with the barkada whenever and wherever! Most importantly, the freedom to play DOTA or whatever it is we want to play with!
However, as much as we enjoy these freedoms, we unfortunately tend to sabotage ourselves. Why? Because we like women, dammit! Sometimes, we even love them! We can’t live with them, but can’t live without them. Women – they’re our very own private heaven and hell here on earth. Oh well.
Anyway, welcome to my world. Just call me The Single Pinoy.